World Religions WARNING: MEANT AS PARODY. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY

Religions are a big part of world history. They influence ideology, causing wars, conflicts and inspire hope in their followers.

To understand religion and thus the behaviours of their followers it is necessary to understand the history of religions.

This essay will attempt to trace just that.

Millenia ago three distinct schools of thought emerged. The God school, the Instutution School and the Idolization school. The God school became the major religions of today. For more information please consult the major religious leaders so famous today for their take on the matter. The Institution school has unfortunately been closed down by the MOE (Ministry of Entertainment).

The Idolization school (hereby known as Idol), however, is where the fun began.

This natural instinct of Idol was repressed for centuries. Occasionally it would explode in a frenzy in ways like American Idol. This was how it was and how it should be.

The Idol school, (un)fortunately suddenly manifested itself in a rather ordinary-looking group of boys in the early 21th century, right before the collapse of the world order.

The Idols had 2 main groups : the Zhengqingyu and the Jiayuism. Other movements were formed but they were smaller.

Devotees to Zhengqingyu worshipped the Truth, Lao Zheng. They believed he was the be-all and end-all of everything, so any explanation for inconvenient dilemmnas like:
"If you can do anything, can you make a stone you cannot lift?" Ans: "Lao Zheng."
"Who created Lao Xheng in the first place?" Ans: " Lao Zheng."

Interestingly, this religion originated when an individual by the name of Jia Yu suddenly realized the Truth and started spontaneously worshipping Lao Zheng. And Zhengqingyu-ism was born!

It took a dull and dreary RICO by storm. First it gained a foothold in the liberal Republic of HuQing. Then emissaries were sent out to the United Musicians of Chuiguan and the usually repressive Tanbo Faction, who warmed to the idea and were soon falling over each other to worship the Zhengqingyu. Interestingly, the normally no-holds-barred liberal Kingdom of Perc and its king refused to have anything to do with it.

Temples were built. Paintings were drawn. Offerings were made. Zhengqingyu-ism seemed unstoppable.

Then from the depths of the Tanbo Faction a little-known man became famous overnight.

Yi Jiayu's rise to fame is badly documented. It supposedly started with a small band of followers in the Liuqin Estate and ended with him being the mascot of Tanbo.

His message of 'Strawberry flavoured Jiayu fishcake' spoke powerfully to Tanbo's starving soldiers, who has been surviving on used strings, bopians, scores and zhijias for centuries. The Yangqin Principality didn't even let them chew on the slightly more nutritious Qingzus.

In any case, strident opposition from the Yongjun Party from the Yangqin Principality was ignored and the Tanbo Faction embraced Jiayu, not exactly wholeheartedly but more like a way to fight back against the 'foreign talent' of Lao Zheng.

An open challenge to the Zhengqingyu was right there for all to see. What would the powerful Republic of HuQing and the United Musicians of Chuiguan do?

At first, not much.

However, when the TF(Tanbo Faction) set up a blog it proved too tempting a target.

The United Musicians of Chuiguan(UMC) were unable to put together a response due to internal strife but this was not the same elsewhere.

Commander Winter and Officer Jiemin of the RoH(Republic of Huqin) were unofficially sent to set up a competing one and fight back. As troops massed in the borders, both sides resorted to air attacks on 'tagboards' the codename for a feedback unit.

Both side's weaknesses became apparent: the RoH was strong only in lobbying for support and converting people. Militarily their troops were ill-trained and lacked discipline and relied on human wave spam attacks. The TF was pretending to ignore the attack and its members lived in a state of relative innocence. Only the commander, Valance Chan, and the de facto Deputy Commander, Wei, stood up against the assaults of their opposite
numbers on the TF side.

The CO Jihads will be discussed in another essay from the Lee DW School of International Policy Studies.

Till then, happy studying, slacking and sleeping.

Now go --- I’m busy lazing around.

Di Wei/omega21